dear the woman who cleaned my apartment before i moved in,

i hope you got fired or at the very least, reprimanded and yelled at. you see, cleaning ladies are supposed to clean things. you did nothing of the sort. i found actual dried food on things, and some sort of sugar-water residue. everything was uniformly sticky and i've now wasted four days trying to do whatever it is you were supposed to do in the first place.

this goes beyond the 'irish people can't do dishes' rant. your performance was appalling, and i used that exact word when describing it to the people who hired you.

quit your day job, and for the love of god hire a cleaner for your own house, as i'm now convinced your family is in immediate danger of a deadly bacterial infection,
brice