Dear Isle of Man Peppercorn Cheddar

Where oh where have you gone? Is it unreasonable to ask that some perishable cheese gets shipped in decent shape to our Canadian shores? You can even use the Northwest passage more and more of late! Why must the societal secret of being able to infuse cheese with peppercorns be locked away in secrecy on such a cruel island? Isn't it the Isle of man, indicating that some part of it's purpose might be to serve mankind? Rather could it be that it is maliciously dedicated to the antithesis of serving man, teasing us poor mortals with the forbidden fruit from the peppercorn tree?

Though I Am coping with loss. Your cousin Philadelphia Cream Cheese Dill Pickle Dip is helping me out with some issues. Intravenous therapy is involved. Philly is keeping my heart muscle is prime working shape, digesting all that i throw at it. The rest of my vices are teaming up to counteract the loss of your deliciousness on my system, effectively prohibiting any athletic performance or long life.

Not the same without you,
Mikey