Dear Hostelling International,

Thank you for your recent cheap accommodation last weekend on such short notice; my ability to buy food for the rest of the month thanks you. Would you please now place me on the mailing list for important notices like the one I seem to have missed where you decided to change your business model? I am, of course, talking about the decision where you stopped being a place for interesting travellers to meet and interact and instead decided to become the new Club Med for creepy old guys? I have never thought that in the top bunk in a room full of men, I could feel sexually threatened. And maybe you could also send me handy information like why the other guys in my room never left the building all weekend.

You have one more chance at Christmas to show me even once that the sorts of "good times" you advertise through word of mouth are even the slightest bit true. If you aren't going to provide said "times", then I'd rather pay a little more and not worry about being robbed and molestered.

Yours in false advertising,
Brice