Dear Library Girl

You are sitting no more than six feet away from me. You are discussing the most intimate details of your sex life, and your details are fucked up. Seriously. If I had a sexual history like yours I would not brag about it to my friends publicly, and I would not take pride in being as much of a slut as you are currently. Have you noticed how your friend keeps nervously glancing at me? I'm only pretending that I can't hear you for the sake of her dignity. Please just go away.

Repugnantly yours,

Evan