Dear Winnipeg

Please take care of my luggage while it is in you airport. It means ever so much to me and I do so want to get it back. It's lost and confused and alone. Please be nice to it.

Evan

P.S. Whatever long-dead gods the people of Manitoba pray to are powerless to stop me from raining down firey destruction on their crappy, crappy province for this unlawful hijacking of my wardrobe.