Dear Tim Horton's Coffee,

I know that in Canada it is nearly sacreligious to make attempts to defame you, but you really aren't that good as I'm sure you are aware. Why is it then, that I have weekly cravings for an XL Double Double? What is it that the acne ridden 16 year old working behind the counter slips into you to make you so addictively irresistible?

Seeking Answers and Perhaps Addictions Counselling,
Matt